The majority of people have heard the label codependent, but have no clue what it means. It's a mistake, but many people believe that to be codependent means to be overly needy or clingy in relationships. They also believe it refers mostly to women and to romantic relationships. Yes, neediness or clinginess can be a trait of some codependents but it's not an accurate way to describe a codependent relationship. In reality, codependency is far more in-depth than just one or two character traits. Some needy people are not codependent at all and some codependents don't outwardly act needy. By the end of this article, the goal is that you'll have a better understanding of codependent relationships and what makes them up.
In actuality, the word codependent is relatively new. It was coined in the 1970's, even though codependent behavior has been around for a lot longer than that. When Alcoholics Anonymous came onto the scene to help alcoholics, some counselors began to note that many relatives of alcoholics exhibited similar traits. Specifically, these family members spent a majority of their time dealing with the problems of their loved ones. Before the word codependent started being used, these family members were called co-alcoholics. However, it was understood later that a person need not be in a relationship with an alcoholic in order to exhibit signs of codependent behavior.
Codependency can be confusing because it covers a lot of unhealthy behaviors and thought patterns. However, some of the dominant characteristics of someone who is codependent include:
- Using relationships as a origin of self-worth instead of finding it from within.
- Spend a large portion of their time working to fix other people - through giving advice, forcing assistance, etc. This happens even when the assistance is unwanted.
The sad part about codependency is that people who suffer from this disorder are rarely able to stay in relationships, and the ones they do have are unhealthy. This can't change unless the codependent chooses to make a change. The good news is the codependency is a learned behavior, which means it can also be unlearned. The bad news is that the only person who can make a change is the codependent. He/she must be willing to admit that the way they relate is unhealthy and also be willing to take steps to change their behaviors.
It's important to say that codependents are not bad. The truth is, they are typically very kind-hearted, marvelous people who truly care about the other people in their lives. Unfortunately, what usually happens is that they don't believe that they are worth being cared about - by themselves or others. If this sounds like you, it's worth your time to learn more about what makes a person codependent and what you can to do make good changes in your life.
Kathryn Lambert is a recovering codependent and a professional blogger. Her blog on codependent relationships [http://codependentrelationships.org] includes in-depth stories of her own journey to become healthier as well as a large amount of practical information and resources on overcoming codependency [http://codependentrelationships.org/category/overcoming-codependency-2/].
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